Fairlane Dad

Ale, of the American kindIt goes like this.

I pull up to my parking spot at the local supermarket, for a quick trip inside. As I get out of my car, I notice a sweet looking 1968 Ford Fairlane pull up in front of me. Real clean. Walking by the white beauty, I hear the teenaged daughter ask her 50ish dad, “Can I drive it home daddy, pleeeeease?”

“Sure honey.” I head inside.

I walk towards the beer aisle, looking for that new Budweiser, American Ale. I hadn’t tried it yet, and thought I’d give it a chance. Not bad, but that’s another story.

Searching for the bad-beer-maker’s-attempt-at-good-beer, I realize that the Fairlane Dad is standing near me. He too wants beer. Just then, a pair of high school aged boys appear on our aisle. They were not remarkable until they decide to grace us with their small vocabularies and ignorant view of appropriate alcohol intake. “Oh f##k, I’d love to get s##t-faced tonight!”

Without hesitation, Fairlane Dad has turned and barked, “Watch your mouth! That’s not appropriate.” Score one for Fairlane Dad. I think I’m going to like it here on California’s Central Coast. The boys scamper off.

I found my selection and wandered to the capitalist altar, the cash register. Who stepped behind me in line? Fairlane Dad. Just beer, too. As I’m paying, the potty-mouths arrive, and realize too late that they’re directly behind the Fairlane Dad. They have a tag-along. She says, “Brian, mom said I could get a soda.” I don’t think Brian was intending on purchasing her a soda.

“I’m not getting that for you, bitch!” Brian did not learn his lesson.

As if he has decided that Brian’s dad clearly forgot something, Fairlane Dad turns quite rapidly, “I cannot believe that you just spoke that way to your sister! Who do you think you are! If I was your father, I’d take you out and kick the crap out of you.” Everyone is looking, Fairlane Dad has yelled, and he doesn’t care. I like Fairlane Dad. Brian is red, only red. Oh yeah, and he’s quiet.

As things turn back to normal, I leaned back and said, “Is that your Fairlane I saw you climb out of?” Fairlane Dad, “Sure is, it’s a ’68.” I added, “It’s real nice.” He thanked me, and off I went, home toImpulse Shopper try my beer, thinking, “There should be just a few more Fairlane Dads. Makes things a bit better.”

Oh yeah, it wasn’t just beer for me. I’m an impulse shopper. I grabbed that low priced Hershey’s package of individually wrapped chocolate. It was a great price, get off my back.


Author: TREVOR

Leukemia survivor. Son of The Most High. Father. Man.

6 thoughts on “Fairlane Dad”

  1. I like “Fairlane Dad”. Thanks for sharing the story. I also loved the story posted her by “BWJones”



  2. I was on the metro from the National Airport in D.C. headed over to the Pentagon a couple of years ago in the back of a Metro traincar with two fresh, young Marines in MARPAT and a gentleman, dressed business casual in his 60’s. As we pulled out of the airport, the two Marines started up with the most foul language I’ve heard in quite a while. We rode along for a while and I noticed the gentleman in his 60’s standing next to me starting to get irritated. Looking at him closer, you could see the Eagle, Globe and Anchor tattooed on his forearm and in the next instant, he is spinning around and in the loudest, sharpest, most rasping DI voice you could possibly imagine, yells (paraphrased as I cannot remember verbatim) “Privates XXXXX and XXXXX!” (their profane diatribe ends as they snap to attention) “You are wearing the uniform of a United States Marine!…. You are in public and *WILL* respect and represent the Corps in a manner befitting a Marine!…. (The two young Marines are now standing at parade attention after dropping their iPod and laptop computers on the floor of the Metro) “Your foul mouths are a disgrace to my beloved Corps and to you! You will honor and respect the Corps and had better beg forgiveness to the other passengers in this car (the only other passenger was me) because while I might look old, I guarantee you that this old Marine can still teach you two about Corps values and Article VI.” The young Marines then started to profusely apologize to the gentleman to which he barked “Not me numbskulls!…. HIm! (pointing to me)” They then genuinely apologized and I informed them that their apology was accepted.

    It was a truly awesome display and I figure the gentleman must’ve been a DI at some point because he had absolutely perfected the “bark”. Even more impressive was the community education that occurred there.


  3. Beer and chocolate – two of the four basic food groups! (The other two being meat and potatoes.)

    Kudos to Fairlane Dad.

    So how was the Bud?


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